


maybe it's time (for me to tell you I can't be without you anymore)

by sardinespooks



Category: Smosh
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, a getting back together where they were never together, damien breaks up with his gf and shayne gotta deal, i wrote this for 4 hours straight its 5 am let me die, ian is deprest dad, kind of based on the concept of them being roomates, with his FEELINGS. like a VIRGOS GREATEST FEAR.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 03:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15940613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sardinespooks/pseuds/sardinespooks
Summary: damien breaks up with his girlfriend and needs a place to stay. shayne's always a helping hand.





	maybe it's time (for me to tell you I can't be without you anymore)

**Author's Note:**

> title from the lyrics of Maybe It's Time by the Milk Carton Kids. really sorry for this mess.

 

When Shayne thinks back on everything, it really is the smallest things. 

The farthest time he can put that title on between the two of them is within a year of their friendship's beginning, discussing hypotheticals on the impulse 10 pm car drive to In N Out when they both had work early the next morning. 

The atmosphere warm, street lights emitting inconsistent streams of glow through the front window, Damien adjusting the volume to let soft music wash over their colliding personal bubbles. If they feel a shift in the energy around them they don't say anything. This is a popular theme over the years.

He remembers it scaring him a little, though he couldn't say why, when Damien asked if he thought everything happened for a reason.

 

He only says "I think you and I meeting did", when he decides it to be more of the feeling of something being bigger than himself than scary. Damien calls him a sap before they laugh together. Deaf to the world but for each other, as always, they don't notice when Fate joins in for just a moment.

 

 

~

 

 

The first time Damien stays the night at Shayne's apartment in a hefty number of months, Shayne isn't even aware until he stumbles out of his bedroom yawning, early to rise at 7:30 AM on a Saturday (nothing really to be proud of, he'd simply fallen asleep at 11 the night before after rewatching every John Mulaney special in a row and getting wasted), and is greeted by a snoozing lump of a man pretzeled up on his couch. He stops to raise an eyebrow and check his phone for any text he may have missed alerting him of Damien's surprise appearance, but finds nothing except Twitter notifications and a reminder to take his protein pill on his skip day. Taking that into consideration and glancing down at the unadmittingly endearing sight below him, which he rolls his eyes at himself for still even thinking, he gets an idea and heads to the kitchen.

_

Damien wakes up to the smell of waffles and a scent so familiar he thinks he's at home for a few seconds before the events of the night before come flooding back to him. 

He had thought, all his life, that loud, conflicting situations shot his anxiety through the roof. But she was so  _quiet,_ so dignified and professional as they talked things out and settled on breaking up, like she had practiced it, that it had made him, more than anything, just want to yell and be confused and chaotic. It had been 9 months, a whole chunk of his life dedicated to someone who never really gave him a clear reason for leaving him, that he could never get back. He  _was_ one to argue semantics, and lack of sense cluttered his head with insecurity and the itching feeling of nothing being in place.

It had only made sense then, that he'd, in a breakup-shrouded haze, whipped out a spare key rung on his keychain and let her stay at an apartment rightfully hers overnight. He needed something so recognizable it could almost be his when nothing in the world showed itself to be. 

Oh.  _His._ A strange but nonetheless comforting title his brain had decided to place on Shayne's apartment. Shayne. His best friend. His guy. His _best friend,_ he corrects himself. He really was off today.

Overwhelmed by the sudden need to see him, Damien shyly approaches the kitchen to find a shirtless Shayne in boxers flipping bacon and humming a mediocre tune.

 

"Do you always cook half-naked?" He says, feeling awkward but strangely at home in Shayne's kitchen wearing his clothes from yesterday, hair mussed up and glasses abandoned somewhere probably inside the couch. But the scene is so close to multiple occasions of them rooming together back in the day, sunlight washing the room a light orange and Shayne looking ridiculous standing at the stove, that he can't help but make his presence known by cracking a joke. It feels so insanely  _them_ , and that fells so insanely nice, that he starts to wonder how much Shayne pays for the rent and how much he'd like half of it deducted.

 

Shayne jumps a little at the unexpected greeting before looking over his shoulder to acknowledge him. He grins and hands Damien a plate while sitting down at the small coffee table. "Do you always come over and crash on my couch uninvited? No problem, man, but what's the story, morning glory?"

 

Damien sits down and rubs his hands down his face while groaning. "I love you for the breakfast, really I do, dude, but," ' _i love you'? Really, Damien?_ His subconscious is great at both yelling at him and giving him that warm fuzzy feeling of  _this is home._ He casts it aside to think about later. "do we really gotta? I'm enjoying m' waffles."

 

Shayne squints at him with a thin smile before springing across the table and dangling his bacon in front of him.

"For each second Damien Haas does not explain why he thought it appropriate to squat in my home without my knowing consent, I revoke one of his bacon privileges and shall proceed to guzzle it down my bird-like throat. Straight down, Damien."

 

Damien is bathing in the relief of the familiar moment, delaying his reaction. But he quickly recovers at the quirk of Shayne's eyebrow and the two fake wrestle for the bacon now becoming cold. He manages them back to his plate and says, probably too casually, but he can't be bothered to think too much about it while Shayne's in front of him fucking around like they used to, "My girlfriend dumped me last night."

 

Shayne's face falls as he settles back into his seat. "Oh, shit, Damien-"

 

"Don't worry, you'll have me out today. I have to go back tonight. It's her apartment but she's letting me stay as long as I need to to pack all my stuff up and find a new place." Right when he thinks it, a nostalgic fantasy he'd never say out loud, Shayne reaches forward with a hand on his shoulder and says it out loud. 

 

"Dude. we lived together for 3 years. Fucking stay here. You know you're welcome." His hand touching his shoulder sends tingles down his spine, an electric current. He wants to lean into it. He's not sure why. He simply smiles, a gesture to show his gratitude, and the two collapse on the couch together to play video games. 

 

He starts to hate how much he's realizing he missed this. When Damien takes Shayne up on his offer to stay next, he brings over his pillow and blanket and crashes on the couch again without telling Shayne. He pretends inhaling the scent of the couch helps him sleep less than it really does.

 

-

 

Shayne would love to wax poetry about history repeating itself, except for the fact that it's making his life a nightmare again.

 

Okay, he's not going to call it a nightmare. He's helping out his best friend. Believe it or not, he's not a shallow person who puts romance above friendship. He would actually declare himself the opposite. Overcoming his past, and sometimes presently recurring, feelings for the sake of said friendship is the reason for one of the best parts of his life and he wouldn't trade it for the world.

 

The thing is, living with Damien, if Damien is even comfortable with saying they're officially roommates again right after his breakup, resurfaces unfailingly the exact same feelings he'd started having upon living with Damien freshly into their friendship so many years ago. 

 

But that's all they are, feelings, physical ones. As they sit and eat their takeout watching reruns of Seinfeld he lets himself think about kissing the soy sauce off the corner of Damien's lips.

At night though, he lets himself think about how he'd probably do anything for Damien if he asked. And how Damien would do the same. And how fucking terrifying it is to be able to reach and not touch.

-

The first time Damien thinks it wholeheartedly is when Shayne’s hip bumps his to share dishes duty. It’s less of a sharing of dishes than Shayne stealing his glasses and mocking how badly he does the dishes, but his mind goes straight to the word  _ cute. _ And he is, there’s no arguing it, nose scrunched up and shitty impersonation voice and all. Blue eyes he’s probably more used to looking into than his own. Scruff building up. He’s less cute than he is hot, really. Damien’s only left chuckling and continuing to rinse his sponge to hide his suddenly vital wondering of when the hell he started thinking that while looking at Shayne.

 

-

Later into the night, Damien makes the mistake of texting his ex. 

 

1:22 AM:  _ one question.  _

 

1:25 AM:  _ It’s really too late for this, but, okay, shoot. _

 

1:27 AM:  _ did shayne have anything to do with it? _

 

1:29 AM:  _ Damien..all you’re doing by asking that is hurting yourself. But if you really have to know..yes. Absolutely. There was always something between you two that I could never put my finger on until we broke up. Just saying, there’s untapped potential there. Keep an open mind. Experiment. Or just go the hell to sleep. I’m coming by in the morning to drop some stuff of yours I found off. Don’t respond to this. Goodnight. _

-

 

He can’t fathom looking at her.

 

Damien knows it’s stupid, knows he looks ridiculous cramped up and rocking with his head in his hands sitting against a drawer. He feels even more stupid when Shayne walks in and drops down to ask him what’s wrong, but he can’t stop rocking for the life of him. Feels like he might die if he stops.

 

Shayne grabs his hand, snakes his other free arm around his waist. Leans in to speak. “Hey. I’m gonna stand up. Will you try to do it with me?”

 

Miraculously, he stands. 

 

He’s never remembered a time when he had been able to get out of a sitting position less than five minutes into a panic attack. The thought draws a choked sob out of him and Shayne guides his head, hand in his hair, to rest on his shoulder. 

 

It’s almost too intimate, counting time to someone’s heartbeat.

 

Damien’s never calmed down this fast before. 

 

“I was just thinking. I won the bet we made in like 2012. Remember, we were talking, the night we found out So Random was being trashed, and I bet you in less than 10 years from that time we would’ve gone to Japan together?” His voice is soft and patient. His voice is home. 

 

Damien breathes out a laugh against his shoulder. “I didn’t think you’d be able to put up with me that long.”

 

Shayne pulls away to look at him. In the first second they lock eyes, Damien feels the weight of a lifetime on his chest, and then it’s gone. 

“I don’t put up with you, asshole. I- I would do anything for you.” He looks down like he’s embarrassed and lets go of Damien’s hands. 

 

Damien can’t stand it. He steps forward and kisses Shayne.  _ There’s untapped potential there. Keep an open mind. _

 

And it’s nothing like how a first kiss should be. Especially not theirs. It’s impulsive and rushed and right at that moment, his ex girlfriend opens the door holding a box. As they break apart, she laughs and nods to Shayne. 

 

“So he took my advice and tried you instead, huh? Have a nice night, you guys.” She drops the box and leaves with an air of all knowingness.

 

After Damien explains, Shayne tells him quietly and almost sourly (though more just defeated-sounding) not to kiss him again before resorting to his bedroom for the rest of the weekend.

 

-

They’ve been interacting as little as possible, and it’s eating Damien alive.

 

Especially since it sounds like Shayne has a new girlfriend, and wouldn’t their fans all be so overjoyed to know it’s Courtney! He can’t help but hear how loud their Facetimes are, and the ‘i love you’ ending to every one. 

 

He’s not angry, though. He doesn’t blame anyone but himself.

 

Putting your meaning of home into a person can be dangerous. Now he can say he’s lived without shelter.

 

-

 

Damien had keyed out of coming with Shayne to Mari’s open house party for the Smosh fam and crew. He stands by the snack sidebar, sipping on a fruity cocktail with a probable alcohol amount of -5%, lining the kitchen wall as all the others dance to a popular song in the living room. 

 

He didn’t know where to begin with thinking about Damien right now or really anytime, ever, in his life. Lately he had been facetiming Courtney, where she consistently told him he was overreacting and to just not repress his emotions for once. But he had no idea where to start. Damien had always been straightforward, had to get what he wanted. 

 

But. He knew how susceptible to others’ opinions Damien was. His ex girlfriend telling him to basically try something new, experiment, with Shayne, didn’t rub him the right way. 

 

Or maybe he was just so repressed he could never begin to imagine Damien returning a fraction of his feelings.

 

Interrupting his thoughts, Ian sidles up and stands next to him. 

 

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

 

Shayne raises an eyebrow. “Am I fired, o Daddy Smosh?”

 

Ian snorts and rolls his eyes. “First of all, bold of you to assume I have that power, second of all, hell no, you’re like our golden ticket of views.”

 

Shayne laughs the way you laugh at something you are definitely not supposed to hear. “Wooow, you’re hammered.”

 

Ian burps. “Yeah probably, but seriously, hear me out. This is serious. You and Damien. That’s a thing, isn’t it?” He puts a hand on Shayne’s arm and looks him in the eyes and Shayne’s heart falls to his stomach.

 

“I...how do you classify a thing? We’re…. We’re best friends. I love him.” He can’t seem to separate his mouth from his brain. Or maybe Ian’s energy is just comforting. He just knows he’s never said it out loud.

 

“Listen. What you two have? That’s.. That’s once in a lifetime, dude. It’s special. You can’t fuck that up. Don’t. Fuck, I barely know the guy but I know he’d rob all the stars in the sky for you. Shayne. Sometimes things need to be said. Say them before it’s too late.” 

 

Ian lets go of his arm and looks away. Shayne ponders history and its habit of repetition. “How do I know it’s not too late?”

 

Ian takes a long drink. “You know he’s still waiting for you.”

 

-

 

When Shayne gets to work earlier than scheduled the next morning, he reckons he’ll be able to find Damien there since he wasn’t at the apartment the night before. 

 

He’s right, Damien’s at the coffee counter with bags under his eyes. Shayne sighs before walking up to him.

 

“Listen, jackass. I’m willing to forgive and forget. I… I talked to Courtney and she agreed that...that loving someone means overcoming things that aren’t worth it.”

 

Damien smiles sadly. “I’m really happy for you and Courtney, man. I’m glad we can call it good and done. You and her are great together.” Damien inwardly cringes at how fake the sentence sounds.

 

Shayne’s face crumples into a look of pure confusion and then realization. 

“What?! I’m talking about you! Courtney’s just been calling to let me talk about you. You thought...Damien..”

 

“Me?! But you stopped talking to me after I kissed you-”

 

“Because I thought it was some- sexuality experiment! And, for the record, I still don’t know whether it was-”

 

“No. God, of course not, Shayne, the past month I’ve been living with you has been the best of my  _ life.  _ I-I feel like I’m home when I’m with you. Realizing that, looking at you and not hardly being able to keep my hands off of you, it’s-”

 

“Damien. I’m in love with you.” He says it in two swift breaths. They each hear every word perfectly and look at each other in silence. 

 

This time, when Damien kisses him, it’s perfectly slow, hands cradling his head with fingers threading through his hair and thumbs resting on his temple, his arms crossing over Damien’s lower back. He’s tipped back against the refrigerator. When they come up for breath, he’s shaking, or maybe it’s Damien, but he can’t help and let out a whispered “so long, so long”, looking at the man he’s holding in wonder because  _ God _ it really has been so long, so many stolen glances and touches and he gets to do this now,  _ finally,  _ and nothing has ever been as rewarding-

 

“How long? Shayne, how long?” He can feel Damien’s breath on his lips. His eyes look large, blown out by fear or maybe pity.

 

Shayne smiles. “Seven years.”

 

And then Damien’s kissing him madly, frenzied, stopping to say “ _ Seven years? _ ” There are glimmers of tears in his eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything, why-” Shayne shuts him up by wrapping an arm around his neck and sliding his other hand barely under his shirt. 

 

“You can make it up to me.” He smiles a shit eating grin and leans up to kiss him again before hearing the door swing open.

“Oh- Oh Lord. I walked in at the wrong time. I apologiz- Actually no. I’m just trying to get some damn coffee and y’all are steaming up the place. Hell no I do not apologize, use the bathroom or something. Christ! I am going to pour this coffee into my eyeballs, I swear to fucking-”

**Author's Note:**

> thanx for reading :-)


End file.
